Ours mood, Just like the physical, it directly affects different areas of our lives. However, our problems sanity come to impress us partner? How? Is there a solution?
[Descubre si estás siendo víctima de ‘breadcrumbing’ en tu relación de pareja]
We discussed the matter with Cecilia Martin Sanchez Y Marina Garcia Fuentes managers Psicode Institute of Psychology in Madrid, Alicante and Valladolid. Both set up in 2006 as a small office in Madrid’s Salamanca neighborhood where they care for their patients. Seventeen years later, his team consists of: Twelve psychologists distributed between Madrid, Alicante and Valladolid.
As a multi-professional team, they cover almost all specialties within clinical psychology in the treatment of children and adults, but if they must emphasize a particular specialization, couple therapy
[Núria Jorba, psicóloga experta en relaciones: “Hay que naturalizar el decir: quiero tener pareja”]
They meet often couples who doesn’t know how to communicate and gets into big arguments over little things. “Their conflicts are constant and so disproportionate that they are often separation threats These are getting so bad that the couple needs therapy to feel like they love each other again, to find reasons to stay together, and to learn to communicate and stop arguing,” explains Martín.
They also cater to couples. they distanced themselveshas been in infidelitieswith they clash with each other’s families and which one serious personal problem affecting the relationship (jealousy, addiction…). In addition, they are widely available. couples with serious conflicts when making vital decisions about values and lifestyles, for example, one of the two wants to have a child and the other does not.
Garcia adds that she works with couples. power conflict, they both have too much ego and pride won’t let them get close but still they don’t want to be separated from each other.
Also, couples who go to the consultation because they want to find out “Magic wand”, but they know they don’t love each other and don’t want to be together. “But they want to try it out of their religious beliefs or because they don’t want to get rid of material possessions or sever ties with their children. They are unaffected by the true meaning of being with their partner,” explains García.
“Relationships Are Essential”
On the other hand, since the end of the lockdown due to the coronavirus pandemic, we have not stopped reading in the media that cases of anxiety and depression have increased, especially among the youngest.
“Any change can affect relationships and moreover, an epidemic similar to the one we are experiencing. Prison has had a negative impact on our mental health. It affected us all, especially the youngest. During adolescence and early adulthood, relationships are very important“Martin says.
In addition to the isolation we are exposed to, the mourning of our relatives who died, the fear of contagion and the uncertainty of not knowing when it will end are very stressful, very anxious, low-level elements. mood and depression in more serious cases”.
In this sense, the expert states that anxiety causes irritability in many people and as a result breaks the union. On the other hand, depression causes apathy and depressed mood, and often the couple does not understand the reasons or why. lack of desire making plans, getting ready to go out, or having sex.
“The solution is here go to a psychologist to solve it and for the couple to work as a team that supports each other.”
For his part, Garcia emphasizes that being isolated for so long has made us value and reflect heavily on our lives. “Apparently a “inside click” where we stood The rhythm of work and obligations did not allow us to become aware of what our life was like and whether we liked it or not. After the break, many people thought about what they didn’t want and many breakups were seen at the end of the quarantine.
Adaptability
Situations like the pandemic affect relationships, but they also only cause time to pass, which is often “evolutionary crises“.
“These are the changes couples need to make. to adapt and this requires readjustments that many people do not take well. From the first change of living together, to making the decision to marry and have children, to having to care for relatives, to a change of job or physical or mental illness,” says Cecilia Martín.
And explain it If the couple manages to adapt to these changes, everything will be fine and they will continue on their way together. However, this is not always the case, and the conflicts that harmony brings are sometimes extreme and the couple falls apart.
“Furthermore, if one out of two people suffers from an illness, mental illness It can be similar to having to deal with a physical illness. This is not desirable and usually does not make things easier for things to get better, but the couple can feel very good. more united and more complicit if they work as a team and support each other. “Feeling cared for and supported by your partner in difficult times is a sign of a very good prognosis for continuing a life together,” she says.
In addition, with the passage of time, Fall in love and sexual passion descends to bottomless. But if all goes well, new anchors or elements of unity emerge, such as being friends and confidants, complicity, knowing how to care for each other, listening and supporting each other in the face of difficulties or mental illness. two.
“This consolidates even more than the first crushit is temporary and usually does not last more than two years. Couples who have been happy together over the years are couples who take care of each other.”
Again, The situation is different when the mental disorder or illness directly and negatively affects the couple.. “For example, when either of them develops a pathological jealousy disorder or an addiction. When faced with such a problem, it is recommended that they be seen by a psychologist to resolve that issue as it can disrupt the relationship.”
Martín says that jealousy includes blame, control, and social isolation. The couple usually breaks up if the jealous person doesn’t receive treatment to resolve it. It also eliminates the addictions that always come with lying, irritability and mood swings caused by withdrawal symptoms and other serious side effects. “It’s hard to maintain a relationship when either one of them has this type of problem and doesn’t do anything to fix it.”
It is very important to support
So what can we do when problems arise in relationships that stem from a relationship? psychological problem one of the members?
Psychologist Martín underlines the importance of recognizing the problem, talking about it, and seeking an expert. “Just as we seek medical help when we have a health problem, we know how to seek help when we see we have a mental health problem that we don’t know how to deal with.”
Garcia explains that the advice varies depending on the type of disorder, but there are some common guidelines:
- “Even if your partner has a psychological problem, it doesn’t mean you can’t participate in the process for support.”
- “It’s good to document yourself and talk to an expert about your partner’s problem who will guide you on how to deal with them. For example, when it comes to jealousy, lying to them will greatly aggravate the problem, and however, Jealous couples do this a lot to avoid anger”.
- “Create conversations with your partner where memories of the person having no problems arise so that the person with the problem can connect with the idea that what happened is a phase, but it doesn’t have to be like that forever. See other improved cases help motivate for change.
- “The accusations and attributions of harming the environment because of their problems do nothing, they only aggravate the situation and the symptoms.”
“We have many cases that are in consultation, and cases where the couple is an important pillar rather than a handicap is an important variable for a good prognosis,” he notes.
The keys to a future together
Pillars where love is sustained, sternberg triangle theory These are: passion, sincerity and commitment.
Psychologist Martín believes that togetherness is the foundation of a healthy relationship to build a future together. respect and trust. “It is easy to establish a relationship with these two components. privacy. Intimacy includes sharing secrets, being confidants, friends, and supporting each other.”
He also finds it necessary not to be afraid to share that intimacy and to progress in commitment for the couple to develop over time. ” loyalty “It’s being built by making decisions together, from what we’re going to do this weekend to more important decisions like getting married or having kids.”
And she continues: “Some couples get stuck at a stage and can’t go any further. In these cases, one of the couples is often not satisfied because they want more and their demands are not met. Passion usually arises spontaneously at the beginning of the relationship, due to the falling in love process, but when infatuation subsides, bring innovation to sexual relations so as not to fall into the monotony and not let the passion subside”.
Psychologist García points out that it’s good to distance yourself when there’s a conflict. “Instead of bursting out and saying things we regret later, wait for our anger to subside, otherwise we will be able to say things we will later regret. Leave the pride in another room and when you go to solve a problem. Many people find themselves crushed by their partner when they go to ask for forgiveness, which makes them even worse. It makes you feel vulnerable and the slightest chance of noticing the mistake is gone.”
The secret of a couple’s work, I am sad, because all couples have problems and arguments. However, this should not be confused with condoning acts of physical or verbal violence. “There are things that need not be forgiven,” he concludes.
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